Relationship Advice!

компютри втора употребаRelationship Problem:

I’m married with a 1 year old son but have fallen for someone at work. We’ve been emailing since he moved back to Melbourne. He wants to have a drink with me on his next trip to Brisbane. I could easily fall in love with him and I think there’s interest on his side too. What should I do?

Relationship Advice:

You wouldn’t be asking if you didn’t want to be told ‘don’t’. If there’s something lacking in your marriage or if you’re having trouble adapting to the role of ‘mum’, get therapy and tackle that. You owe it to your husband, your son and yourself. Flirting with married guys is fine, but only with ‘not available’ written boldly across your forehead.

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Relationship Problem:

I’m 23 and my 17-year-old girlfriend broke up with me. She says I treat her like a younger sister. She wants to remain friends but doesn’t want contact for a while. She said her feelings have been declining but she doesn’t want to discuss it. Two weeks ago she was sms-ing romantic messages. I don’t know what I did wrong.

Relationship Advice:

Probably nothing. She may have just changed her mind about what she wanted. No matter how wise a 17-year-old is they haven’t had enough life’s experiences to know what will work for them in the future. They don’t have enough to compare it to. She might not even know why she went cold. This is probably why she doesn’t want to talk about it. Make sure your next girlfriend knows herself well enough to know what she wants long term and that it’s you.

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Relationship Problem:

We’ve been married 21 years with 2 teenage children. Recently my husband’s been acting strangely. I fear he may have a mental illness. He says something then denies he’s said it. He goes off at trivial things then carries on as if nothing happened. Some things he says to me are abusive. I don’t know what to do.

Relationship Advice:

Ask if there’s anything worrying him. Tell him he seems stressed and you’d like to understand and be sympathetic. If this isn’t the case, treat it as bad behaviour. Tell him when he’s being inconsistent or rude and that it’s unacceptable and a bad example to the children. Don’t psychologise, judge or make him wrong. State your need not to be talked to like that. If none of this makes a difference see a therapist to see if it’s deemed a behavioural problem or a personality disorder. This will make clearer what strategies to use.

Relationship Problem: 

Should I stay with my husband in what I think is a loveless marriage, for the sake of the children? 

Relationship Advice: 

Where children are concerned leave no stone unturned. I strongly recommend marriage counselling. You loved your husband once. Counselling may solve what made it disappear. If it doesn’t and the marriage ends, counselling will make the irreconcilable differences clear.

This leads to less animosity, the greater possibility of friendship and a more amicable divorce. This is definitely better for children. It shows them that you were both committed enough to them to try to resolve it.

Relationship Problem:

Can you help me, I am 45 years old and had a male friend who told me that he had deep feelings for me and I said that I liked him as a special friend and that we should keep any relationship as friends as I am married. (Even though I have a rocky marriage over the past three years and did not say it to him and he does not know.) This was two years ago and now I am having second thoughts about this friend as I dream of him from time to time and I know from a friend he is still interested in me – for more than just friends. What should I do?

Relationship Advice:

Run, don’t walk to your nearest relationship counselor! What you need to explore before anything else is whether your marriage is viable. You say it’s been rocky for the past three years which creates a natural breeding ground for being attracted to attention from someone else. If you get your marriage back on track you can have it all.

If you go down the other road now, you are headed for confusion, guilt, someone getting hurt (possibly you, as you’ve only heard of his interest from a third party and don’t know how available or interested this person is in making a commitment.)

If you exhaust all possibilities of salvaging your marriage, that’s the time to end it and walk away. That way it’s clean and your husband feels the marriage failed due to irreconcilable differences as opposed to being ‘replaced‘.

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